a tribute to awesomeness

BPD one last post

2007-04-12T18:32:00.002-07:00

It just came to me...

A Boy Named Tiddo

Well we left Africa when I was eight
And I gotta admit it didn’t feel too great
To an uncouth land by the name Escondido
I got there and felt it was quite a shame
Because other boys had quite American names
But before we left my dad named me Tiddo

Now Americans thought that it was quite a joke
And it gotta lotta laughs from a lotta folk
Sometimes I’d get so angry thought I’d lose my mind
So I made me a vow to the sky and the sea
I’d search youth retreats and URC’s
Until I find a woman with a name as crazy as mine

So I got me a job at the KFC
And it became real clear to me
My bride to be was not to be found here
Indoor soccer leagues gave no better yield
Mostly middle-aged men out on those fields
And pretty soon I began to fear…

…that there was no girl to be found
and to a new direction my life was bound
Helpin’ kids in the youth group Wednesday nights
‘Til one night a stranger rolled into town
And her voice was the most beautiful sound
And I looked at her and her face was robed in lights

Brent said, "she just arrived today
And she wants to help the group in any way"
And I replied to her, "I’m pleased to Meet Ya"
I got a little embarrassed don’t you know
But I sucked up my pride, and said, "I’m Tiddo"
And without blinking she replied, "I’m Alieda"

Well what could I do? This was the one
So I asked her to coffee for when youth group was done
And then we set out the soda and Doritos
And I think about it now and then
If my name weren’t so crazy would we just be friends
So if I ever have a son I think I’m gonna name him…Luke or Eric any dang thing but Tiddo!

BPD Magnum Opus

2007-04-12T12:49:00.000-07:00

You know who you are...

Man love

Why are you so far away
So far away from me?
When will times again be gay
As they used to be?

I round the corner, you’re not there
Our special spot I’m all alone
I feel that it just isn’t fair
Can’t even call you on the phone

Carne fries just aren’t as good
How your memory haunts
Let’s get a cabin in the woods
Somewhere in Vermont

I went to Disneyland alone
I rode the jungle cruise
It is a small world after all
More like the jungle blues

Watched Superman and Pirates II
It just wasn’t the same
Went to Tidds and Alids
Didn’t want to play a game

The spawning pool’s not half as green
Nor lofty is the spire
And mean nicknames aren’t half as mean
Without you to inspire

No Baby_Blue, no Goteacon
No names to drive me forward
No Bill’s_A_Deacon, no Like_Men,
And no So_Sorry_Rayford

Mtv Jams don’t jam as tight
The Game and TI aren’t half as hard
Bubba Sparx ain’t half as white
And Fat Joe isn’t half the lard

HBO isn’t quite as sweet
Ari isn’t quite as money
Rome shows only half a teet
and Dane Cook’s almost funny
Smoke breaks in the backyard
Without you there’s no answer
And though I puff twice as hard
It’s only half the cancer

Let’s go paaaaaaaaaah, has lost its dres
The Rhi has lost it’s No
The B-b-b-bee has lost its Giles
Khalil has lost his “Oh”

Rabby’s down to only half
Half of me is gone
So sitting in Harry Potter’s Caf.
I hope you hear my song

You are my angel from above
Come as swiftly as you can
For I am stricken with man love
I friggin love you man

BPD bonanza

2007-04-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

Imagine a sweet hip hop beat underneath this one

Getting Krumped

Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Getting’ krumped like every day
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
760 will regulate

Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Throw down another forty
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Roll home with my shorty

Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah

Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
St. patty’s threw it down
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Threw it back up on the ground

Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Hour ‘o power really sweet
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
At the end yell, “victory!”

Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah

Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
1 Krump, 2 Krump, 3 Krump, 4
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
5 Krump, 6 Krump, 7 Krump, Floor

Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
K-R-U-M-P
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
I really gotta pee

Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah

Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Ooo-oooo, nah-nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah-nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-nah

Peace

BPD 2007 Cont'd

2007-04-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

Some more SBTB love

Artie

You’re my best friend
I don’t care if you’re blood’s cold
To me you’re as good as gold
Friends until the end

I’ve got a go away
My friends will take care of you
I told them just what to do
Be back in a few days

Artie?
Where is your hiding place?
I want to see your face
Artie?

Artie!
Wait why are there two of you?
What did you guys do?!
Artie?!

Artie
Make Jesse an Ice Seat
And Burn off Kelly’s Feet
Artie

Artie
Make Lisa wear ugly clothes
And make Screech grow old alone
Artie

Artie
Zack lied to me all along
Oh well here’s a sweet song
Artie

Oh Artie boy
I’ll miss you forever
I’ll forget you never
You gave me so much joy

BPD 2007

2007-04-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

A little limerick to get the ball rolling

Limerigma

The Rigmas are for the elite
Their Jackets are so friggin sweet
Zack was mean to his friends
Didn’t get in in the end
Their Jackets are still friggin sweet

Mmmmm....walk-off

2006-09-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

For any of you who've wondered, who is that Padre in Robert's profile picture? Your question is now answered.

http://sandiego.padres.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/gameday_recap.jsp?ymd=20060907&content_id=1650533&vkey=recap&fext=.jsp&c_id=sd

Those not so surprising last place Dodgers

2006-07-26T00:35:00.000-07:00

I did a little research today and looked up every day of the standings this year in MLB. If you count every day from opening day to July 24th (not counting the three all-star break days) and if you give a day to each team when there was a tie for the division lead, here's how many days the various teams in the West have led the NL West:

Padres 40
Rockies 33
D Backs 31
Giants 21
Dodgers 17

And yet the only national media mention about the west seems to be on those 38 days either the Giants or Dodgers have led, by and large ignoring the combined 104 days where the other teams led the west, and still persisting to show NO love for the Padres. At least the dodgers are 6.5 back.

I'm back

2006-07-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

Back to my old ways with a few new changes.

Oh Eric you make me Laug

2006-07-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

The First Sign of the Apocalypse...

2006-07-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

A classy article to do with the Padres on ESPN.com (must've been a down day in sports)

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/allstar06/columns/story?columnist=crasnick_jerry&id=2516872

Hoffman

2006-07-11T20:16:00.000-07:00

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Just when I thought I couldn't hate the all-star game
any more...

Awesome Movies

2006-07-10T06:25:00.000-07:00

My two new favorite movies of all time are Superman and PoCII (that's the cool acronym I've come up with for Pirates of the Caribbean II).

They craziest part is that I haven't seen either of them, but I can tell from the trailers that they're the two best movies ever made.

Tomorrow I'm going to get a Superman S tatooed on my chest and an eyepatch tatooed over my eye. I want everyone in the world to know how awesome these two movies are.

I just emptied out what little I have in my bank account and sent a check to Johnny Depp with a note that says "this is the least I can do for you who have given me so much with your amazing acting skills"

I'm also going to begin stalking Orlando Bloom.

I'm furthermore working on building up an immunity to kryptonite so if Superman needs a wingman, I'm there.

THESE ARE THE GREATEST MOVIES EVER

EVER!

Buble...sooo

2006-07-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

Well today on the radio I heard Michael Buble doing a cover of the old school Spider-man theme song. My first thought was, 'I really like this' my second thought was, 'I bet Eric hates this.'

I can't wait for his next album coming out later this year. I heard it's called 'it's a rap.' It has all the hits coolioolio, biggy, snoopy dog.

'dumps like a truck Truck TRUCK, thighs like a what What WHAT...Thong song...Buble.'

I also noticed how much I love the sooooo... thing. The last three emails I've received from Luke, Bill, and Eric have all contained [fill in blank] soooo... at least once in the email

Awesome, soooo......

clumsy...clumsy

2006-07-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

France v. Italy

That's like a Dodgers Yankees world series.

Should be Aussie v. France

Socceroos, soccerscrewed

I guess go Italy...I guess...maybe alot of guys will get hurt.

I hate the All Star Game

2006-07-05T14:24:00.000-07:00

I can't stand the politics behind the all star game. It's where the overwhelming eastcoast bias in baseball comes out worse than ever. There are as many people going to the All Star game from the East coast as the Central and West combined. That is a load of crap...especially in the AL. In the AL it should be like 20 guys from the central and 7 from the east and 5 from the west. I agree that both Western divisions are probably the weakest in baseball, but with that said the East coast this year is not dominant in either league.

The AL East is good, but the AL Central is disgusting. There should be more twins, more tigers, and certainly WAY less Blue Jays. Lets remember that they are still in third. They're good, but they shouldn't have that many representativs. And Verlander and Loriano shouldn't be duking it out on the 'final vote' nonsense, they should be on the freaking roster.

And in the NL, while the East is 'good'...the Mets are good. I have no problem with the mets having six guys, they have the best record in the NL. With that said, NO other team in the NL East should have more than the minimum, bc they're all under five hundred. Aside from the Mets the East sucks. Sorry if you've won 8 million divisions in a row Atlanta, you're not winning this year, you suck, and you shouldn't have three all stars.

The west got the shaft again. At least at west coaster will get the final vote b/c Nomar used to play for Boston. And here's where the politics come in. You can't click on a link in MLB.com without it saying 'Nomar up for final vote' Oh that's real nice, way to keep it fair and objective. Why not just write, 'If you're not voting for Nomar dont click this link'

But as I said about Loriano, Nomar shouldn't even be in this situation. As much as I loathe everything wearing dodger blue...NOMAR SHOULD BE AN ALL STAR.

So should Chris Young, Johnny Estrada, and Garret Atkins.

I hate the All-Star game...I refuse to watch it this year in anticipation of Hoffman coming in to bail out Zambrano in the 7th to retire the final out before being pinch hit for by Brian McCan't in the bottom. (They better let Hoffy close, he's better than any of their other relievers)

Thanks for the vine...

BOOM goes the dynamite

24!!!!!

2006-07-05T04:57:00.000-07:00

Well as with most things; blogs, cell phones, girls...It's taken me a little longer to catch on.
I am fully into 24 season two. Three weeks ago I saw the premier of season two of 24, I've been hooked ever since.

It is totally a male soap opera...but I love it.

Go Jack Go! Save people from nerve gas, and deal with trivial problems along the way!

And I'm glad to see Samwise heads up CTU in season 2, 'don't you let go Mr. Bauer, don't you let go.'

Jose Canyousee

2006-07-03T23:48:00.000-07:00

I'll freely admit it. I have pulled a complete 180 on Josie Canseco. I like the guy. There I said it, I like Jose Canseco.

Did the guy juice: Yes
Did the guy do irreparable damage to the game: Yes
Did the guy write his book for selfish reasons: Definately

BUT

Did the guy come clean: Yes
Did his selfish book help to start cleaning up the game: Yes
Is he one of the most hilarious personalities in baseball (2nd to Rickey): Yes
Was he the bomb on Surreal Life: Definately

So it's just Josie being Josie, and I'm all for it

Go Surg Dawgs!
Go Jose!
Stay off the juice and try not to blow up your arm if you throw some pitches

An Ode to the Padres...still not quite BPD

2006-06-29T05:35:00.000-07:00

The Padres are a puzzle
They're the first in the west
They hitting's been abismal
They're pitching and D the best

Thanks a great deal to Cameron
Who runs down any ball
And lately he's been swinging well
Sending many o'er the wall

And Giles still a force
Solid D, and hits and walks
OBP astounding
with his legs like two great stalks

Then Speedy Roberts in left
Hope he gets healthy soon
So he can get back on the basepaths
Going vroom, vroom, v-rrroom

But don't forget our infield
from top to bottom good
with youth abounding from 1 to short
and a cashsteala fielding 3 as he should

Greeney's got some pop
Gonzalez swingin' a hot stick
Barfields doin his daddy proud
And Vinny's.....Vinny's tryin

And then there's Good old Mike
You won't know soon he's goin
'Cept for the fact he can't throw a guy out
Good thing we got Bard and Bowen

The bench as well has done its share
Belhorn, Blum, and Young
They've stepped up when we've needed them
Their praises may be sung

But pitching, pitching, pitching
It's best in the NL
Only Dewon has been a bust
He can go to...mobile

Peavy...he'll come around
Young has been an ace
Hensley, Thompson solid starts
Chan Ho? I'm amazed

Hoffman, Linebrink...anchors
a joy before my eyes
and cassidy, sweeney, embree, adkins
all a great surprise

The Padres are unique this year
And while the season's far from over
I think Petco will have some fans
Still coming in October

Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadres!

See Eric

2006-06-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

I told you so

Dear, Me

2006-06-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I realized that even the most faithful blog reader has stopped checking this blog, so the rational side of me would say just delete it. But then I thought, what a great way to think aloud. Post thoughts and reminders for my daily life.

-Man I'm hungry. I should eat.
-That's a good idea, Micky D's? Nahhh...KFC? Nahhh
-I should just grab a piece of bread it will give me more time to think about where I really want to go
-You are a genious brain
-Thanks stomach
-Bread it is

I just realized something...I am awesome

2006-06-22T16:48:00.000-07:00

For a while now, I've been tormented for not being a faithful blogger. I realized it was just not yet my time to shine and get mine. Now is MY HOUR, when the faint of blogging heart have trailed off, and yet I remain. Not only do I plan to bring back my Tribute to Awesomeness, but all in the midst of another blog successfully running.

I AM AWESOME!!!

This is only a test

2006-06-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

This is a test to see who the most die-hard blog reader is, or maybe better put the biggest blog addict. I figure probably most blog readers have given up on this blog because of my new blog chronicling my adventures in ozzy. The first to comment (my money's on Eric) wins a prize of being the... greatest blogger ever (sung to the tune of greatest comeback ever)

Waterfalls by TLC

2006-04-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

Left Eye (RIP) Rap Break

I seen a rainbow yesterday
But too many storms have come and gone
Leavin’ a trace of not one God given ray
You say because my life is ten shades of grey
I prey all ten fade away
Seldom praise him for the sunny days

And like his promise is true
Only my faith can undo
The many chances I blew
To bring my life to anew
Clear blue and unconditional skies
Have dried the tears from my eyes
No more lonely cries

My only bleedin’ hope
Is for the folk who can’t cope
Wit such an endurin’ pain
That it keeps ’em in the puourin’ rain
Who’s to blame
For tootin’ caine in your own vein
What a shame
You shoot and aim for someone else’s brain
You claim the insane
And name this day and time
For fallin’ prey to crime
I say the system got you victim to your own mind
Dreams are hopeless aspirations
In hopes of comin’ true
Believe in yourself
The rest is up to me and you

Saved By the Beatnik

2006-04-12T14:30:00.000-07:00

*Intended for Luke, Josh, Johnny, and Aaron: Bill and Eric need not read

Wake up in the morning and the clock goes, but when I look at the clock I see not a clock
But Screech saying “time to get up my darling” Tick, Tick, Allergic to Screech
I know I’ll miss the bus, I have to take the bus
Because I made the wrong choice at the party
Togas, beer, togas…light post
Slater has to miss the big game
Not like the time he returned the fumble to win
Acne cream face paint
Crater-Face
B-b-b-Bayside
Talk to the camera
A pink lined dream cam
Bayside school store
Dorks no more, calendars…score
Modeling contract but who will it be?
Kelly
Kelly Kardboard Kutout
Kelly
My heart beats for Kelly
Kelly and Zak
Zak and the Nurse
Kelly and Zak
Kelly and Jeff
DIE JEFF DIE
Arty’s dead
Becky’s dead
Kelly’s dad is out of work
DIE JEFF DIE
Will we be friends….Forever
The Zak attack tells us so, don’t forget about Hot Sunday
Get down and break a sweat
Drop down and give me 50, the drill sergeant says
Zak will learn about discipline
No cut day for you
Like AC has because of his Dad, don’t worry Zak it’s not a real grenade
Zak needs to shape up, don’t end up like Johnny Dakota
There’s no hope in dope
Or caffeine
I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so scared
Riding home from ET on our bikes, so dark, so scary, but we made it
We all made it
SBTB brought us there
Romance on the beach
Hawaiian adventure
Weddings in Vegas
Babies in elevators
Some bliss, thank you miss
And all in just one forty-eighth of your day
I hate you Tori
I don’t mean Violet, I mean Tori
I hate you Tori

Another Poem

2006-04-12T09:22:00.000-07:00

CARRIER HOTKEYS

Vespene gases to harvest
Minerals to mine
An early attack on Eric
He barely holds the line
Early frustration sets in
Eric knows this is a sign

A full hotkey of carriers, sitting idly by

Peace for ten full minutes
The next attack rains down
Bill cries out for help
But none is to be found
For Eric’s still rebuilding
And Robert’s spire is down

Two full hotkeys of carriers, sitting idly by

A second attack on Eric
(He did expand too fast)
Creep colonies gone, only Zerglings left
How long can they last?
Bill and Robbie’s Mutalisks
Are not in time…he’s past

Four full hotkeys of carriers, sitting idly by

An Archon! Cruel fate
Our Mutalisks destroyed
And from the glimmer in Luke’s eyes
It seemed that he enjoyed
For there he sits with carriers
So many undeployed

Eight full hotkeys of carriers, sitting idly by

Now attacks rain down from both sides
Onto Rob’s home base
His creep colonies cannot withstand
The torrent on this place
For siege tanks take them out
Then zealots finish the race

Twelve full hotkeys of carriers, sitting idly by

Now only Bill and Luke remain
And Luke says “lets roll out”
Bill with his 7 Mutalisks
But now Luke has no doubt
He’ll defeat all, and lose none
A team player throughout

Twenty full hotkeys of carriers, finally enter to destroy

He razes all of them to the ground
Until there is no more
With carnage and destruction
With zealot blood and gore
And finally when it all is done
He says so we’ll adore:

“I didn’t lose a single carrier, and dude check out my score.”

B-day Blog

2005-10-14T18:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Erike.

GeezWhateverGetOverIt.
RacialSooooooooooo.
C'monC'monBaaabeee.
Serpant that guards the gates of heellllllll.

On this special occasion I would like to quote my good friend Harry Enfield.
"I don't know if you ought to do that......Only me (stare)(stare)(stare)"
Happy B-day to the Tim to my Dawn, The Gareth to my David, The Birthday Girl to my Finch.
"almost done love"

Yeah yeeeaaah, eat some yellow cake.

The Poetry Bug Has Bitten Me

2005-04-16T22:16:00.000-07:00

I once was here
But now am not
I took a poop
And then forgot.

-Anonymous (the majority of whose greatest works can be found in the 2nd stall on the left in CCHS)

Some April Poetry

2005-04-16T22:11:00.000-07:00

Poem

My March Post

2005-03-31T10:40:00.000-08:00

Well I know it took a while, but here's my march post

A New Month...A New Post

2005-02-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

Well I figure a new month time for a new post. I mean I gotta get serious if I wanna keep my goal of 12 posts this year. But I do think i've been pretty clever, if I do say so myself...and I do. Because now only the true Robert fans are left. All the fairweather fans have probably stopped checking my blog weeks ago. So now a treat for the faithful that gives you a taste of what life at safari coffee is like. (taste...coffee...I am on)

My Lunches with Josh (fact: 70% fiction:30%)

And then there was lunch. Glorious lunch. The blessed time of day I got to leave the shop for five minutes without a cartful of coffee grounds and spoiling cream. It was the one time of day where I got to make a choice. Not following orders I was my own man with my own choice. I could go do the hamburger chain, that had done a marvelous job shushing those hepatitis allegations with a clever add campaign that was very funny, how can anything be disease ridden that's so darn funny? Then there was the Sushi place (right next to the Veterinary clinic...it kinda made you think). Or there was the Mexican place (on the other side of the Veterinary clinic...it kinda made you think). There was always the chain sandwich shop. I did want a sandwich, but if I was gonna get one I was gonna do it right. Today I opted for the sandwich with a floor show that could only be received at the grocery store deli, where Josh was playing.
I entered through the motion sensor sliding doors and made a left, as I have so many times before. I walked up to the glass deli counter and drummed my fingers on the sneeze guard. The older manager gave me her dirty glance, she'll have to windex that later dontcha know. By pissing her off I had assured that I'd be served by my favorite, by my josh.

-Josh would you help this gentleman.

The cry had gone forth and here came the court jester. He emerged from the alcove of lurking, where he normally could be found hiding/sleeping. Josh doesn't like to work, that's why I like Josh. He sluggishly ambled towards me. (Before I go any further I should give a brief sketch of Josh. He is about 5'10 5'11 and 300+ lbs. His ratty hair is covered by his mayo stained cap. His XXXL white button up shirt {also stained with various condiments} is untucked and hangs low enough to cover much of his stained blue khakis, that would have sagged low enough to show some crack were it not for the low hanging shirt. He wears a stained black apron. And has the look of a cromagnon in his eyes. Or really a third cromagnon in fairness. Josh had the look of one part cromag, one part serial killer, and one part three-year-old or autistic seven-year-old...take your pick. So that's Josh.) Josh sluggishly ambled towards me, it was time to perform.

-Welcome to the deli, how can I help you?

Ah though reassuring words, how they danced off his lips. I came to count on that same posture, that same pronunciation, that same timing, but most importantly that same apathy from Josh day in and day out. It was reassuring to know that if the world ended tomorrow Josh would probably still be hiding in his alcove, and when final account was taken he would probably address the angels or demons with "Welcome to the deli, how can I help you?"

-Could I get a double club and california..

Before I had a chance to finish my statement Josh put his two hands up, as though he was a crossing guard and I was the jr. higher trying to dash across the street and elude him. I compliantly stopped speaking, and waited for Josh to speak. He said nothing, rather he turned and sort of oozed over to the other counter behind him. He grabbed eight spreading utensils and put them in various condiments. While this action only takes a sentence for me to explain, it took Josh five minutes to accomplish. In case your counting at home that's 37.5 seconds per dipping utensil. Finally he looked up at me.

-Okay....now whadju want.
-Could I get a double club and cali...

The crossing guard hands went up again.

-A double club, we'll start with that.

At least Josh knew his limits, I had to give him that. He looked around in a confused daze for roughly 30 seconds and only then remembered his task. He reached for the menu that had been at his hand the whole time. He opened it up (it too was stained with a multitude of condiments). He threw off the bit of jalapeno covering up the name 'double club' and started to read the ingredients.

-What kinda bread you want that on?
-Rustic Italian please.
-We're out of that.
-How about the Foccacia.
-That sh**'s good huh?
-Yeah Josh, it's some pretty good bread.
-We're out of that too.
-How bout you choose whatever makes you feel special.
-Huh?
-Wheat please.

And with a grunt of acknowledgement he turned to the bread basket and ruffled around through the various loaves (one of which I may add was Rustic Italian) and only after grabbing the Wheat realized he wasn't wearing his plastic gloves. He did his best to shoot a sly glance at me to see if I'd noticed. I humored him and pretended to be reading the ingredients of the ranch dressing. He quickly (and take 'quickly' with a grain of salt) put on his plastic gloves and began on the sandwich.
He cut the wheat in half and took another thirty seconds of what I've come to call "Josh time." After this latest zone out he turned back to the menu that had all the steps for making the 'double club'. He looked up at me as if to say "could you just make it" but he towed the company line and asked

-Do you want everything that comes on the double club?
-I sure do, but could you add a little extra heart.
-Huh?
-everything please

With a grunt of acknowledgement he looked back to the menu. He first squirted mayo and mustard all over the club (even though the menu calls for no mayo). He then laid five tomato slices onto the sandwich, one at a time of course. Finally came the lettuce and onions, at the same time, the only element of multi tasking I had ever seen Josh perform. He then put the two pieces of bread together and reached for a paper wrapper.

-Josh?
-What?
-Are we forgetting something?
-Huh? ...oh right the meat. Sh** I always do that.
-I know Josh that's why I love it...and you.
-Huh?
-Just kidding Josh.
-good I was worryin you were a gay or somethin.
-no need Josh.
-I mean I'd be cool with that-
-Just make the sandwich Josh.

Josh turned and went to the meat slicer. This is the portion of the tale that even I, a true Josh connoisseur, find to boring to relate. I mean seriously, how can it take a guy ten minutes to weigh and cut some meat.
Finally he returned, put the meat on top and reached for a paper wrapper. Like clockwork he put the wrapper on top of the surface he had just cut, splattered, and dropped on. So when he wrapped the sandwich he saw how dirty and oily the wrapper had become. With another
-sh**
he decided the best route would be to rewrap it, putting another paper wrapper on the same dirty surface. When this plan failed. He brushed off the secondary wrapper with his dirty and oily hands (somewhere along the way the gloves had come off). He printed out a receipt. It wouldn't stick to the oily wrapper, so he taped it on, (a regular McGuyver that one). He then handed it to me and said

-have a great day.
-actually Josh there was another sandwich.

He was crestfallen. He had won. He had defeated, but now saw the much larger army coming from behind. I would call a truce until the daybreak.

-I better get back anyway, I guess my boss doesn't need to eat right?
-Awesome!

He didn't even pretend to hide his glee...amazing. As I turned and walked to the cash registers up front, I wondered...does everyone have a Josh. Everyone needs a Josh.

A brand new me

2005-01-10T22:27:00.000-08:00

I decided to post and break away from fraternal ties. I didn't realize that I was copying Bill's blog template when I started so I've changed my ways to this alternative blog template. I think it's very pretty. It makes me smile. That's really all I got, but since I know this short of a post would crush Eric I'll relate a funny little quip from work.
My boss got XM and its cool. I always turn it on the 1940's station. I like Judy Garland...just kidding...but seriously she's really great. Anywho this lovely Asian couple came in and ordered a couple of drinks. They were very nice, but it was clear english was not there primary language. We struggled to have a polite conversation, and ultimately they decided to sit back and enjoy the lovely 40's music. Little did they know, there are old 40's headlines that come on sparatically throughout the broadcast, and after a swingin tune from Glen Miller's band, a look of panic came over the kindly Asians as the broadcast informed them that the Germans had just invaded Poland. I thought of trying to explain, but the cream needed refilling, so what can you do.

Awesomeness cont'd

2004-12-08T22:16:00.000-08:00

Well enough about how awesome I am. It is time to establish why I am so awesome.

My top 25 reasons for awesomeness

1. I'm 23 and live at home with my parents
2. I had to stop and count the years from '81 just now to verify that I'm 23
3. Wait I'm 24
4. I work in a coffee shop
5. No, I'm 23
6. I go to school full time, but only go to school half-time
7. I refuse to jump on the chargers band wagon
8. I voted for W
9. No I was right the first time I'm 24
10. I know all the words to anchorman, big lebowski, and swingers
11. I am interested in increasing the size of
12. Ignore #11 a pop up distracted me
13. I was born on the same day as JFK, Scary Spice, the lead singer of Oasis, the Highlander
(TV show not movie), Latoya Jackson, Oingo Boingo frontman Danny Elfman, and Melissa
Etheridge
14. Go Chargers!!!
15. I wet the bed through fifth grade
16. I've never had a serious girlfriend
17. I start sixth grade tomorrow
18. I drive my mother's car with license plate border "Queen of US history"
19. I have what doctors call a bit of a wait problem
20. I mispell weight alot
21. I voted for Schwarzenegger
22. I plan on voting Fred Ward aka "Remo Williams" to senate
23. I never seem to mispell Schwarzenegger
24. I love lamp...I love lamp
25. No, I'm 23
26. My awesomeness cannot be contained in 25 pts.

i am awesome

2004-11-28T21:16:00.000-08:00

Preface:
I have decided that the blog world is cool enough to carry my awesomeness on it. Some call me old fashioned, others foolish, still others lazy. They cite these reasons for my lack of blog, when in reality my lack of blog has been due to reverance for the blog. I wanted to make sure that I made no bloggy blunders that would haunt me all my days. I wanted to make sure I had something to say and not just haphazardly start writing. I want to make a difference in this crazy blogness. With that in mind here it is. My first BLOG!!!

Body:
So anyone see National Treasure? I liked it...pretty good. Y'know for what it was and all. how bout those chargers? 8-3. Pretty nice. Well that's about all I got for know. ttyl.

Conclusion:
I came, I wrote, I blogged. I have conquered